


Kaleidoscope

by marsali



Series: Marsali's Soulmate AUs [3]
Category: Druck | SKAM (Germany)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Bus, Canon Trans Character, Depression, Fluff, I love them so much, Kisses, M/M, Mention of substance abuse, Time Travel, don't look at me i don't know, don't look to closely at the science of this thaha, texts, the whole thing takes place on a bus, they really are soulmates though nothing au about that
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-06
Updated: 2019-05-06
Packaged: 2020-02-27 07:20:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,093
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18734284
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/marsali/pseuds/marsali
Summary: Every time Matteo gets on the bus it’s a different month. As far as ways of meeting your soulmate go, this is a fucking weird one.





	Kaleidoscope

Matteo wasn’t high.

He knew that, because he hadn’t smoked or taken anything this morning. So, unless someone had slipped him an edible while he wasn’t watching, he knew that there was no chance he could be high. Which didn’t leave many options when it came to explaining what the hell was happening to him right now.

Okay, retracing steps.

He’d left school. Walked towards the bus stop alone because Jonas and the boys still had sports. It was March. The sun was _not_ out. It had been fairly chilly. The bus had arrived and Matteo had gotten on it.

Okay.

_Okay._

Well.

Erm.

The fuck?

Because – _now_ – when Matteo looked through the window, the sun _was_ out. Some people on the bus were only wearing light jackets. There were no hats or scarves in sight. And some girl was talking about how unfunny the April fool’s joke her sister had played on her had been.

But, most importantly, Matteo was staring at … Well.

At _himself_.

He blinked rapidly a few times, raised his hand and wiped it over his eyes until kaleidoscopes of colors burst behind his eyelids and until his eyeballs hurt. Opened his eyes again only to still be met with the same sight.

Tousled hair, droopy eyelids, stupid spots on his cheeks. Yep. That was him. (Fuck, did he really look like that? Urgh.)

Only, that was insane, right?

He could not be staring at a literal clone of himself only three steps away from him. There was just no way. It made no sense. It–  

Unless.

But.

Matteo took a deep breath through his mouth and cautiously stepped forward towards this … doppelganger. On his way to him, he bumped into another passenger, but the woman didn’t so much as look at him, didn’t even seem to notice him at all. He poked her in the upper arm. It did nothing.

Okay. Sure. Maybe he was dead. That could be a thing. Or maybe he was just getting so good at trying to be invisible that he had learned how to actually disappear from sight.

If his first theory didn’t turn out to be true, then at least he had the next one already queued up.

Matteo shook off his unease and tried to focus on the task at hand. Panicking could always come later.

He continued, walked up to this other him that looked tired and washed out. Fuck, no wonder people always treated him as if nothing could bother him. If he looked that bored, that detached, what else where they supposed to think? But Matteo knew the truth, so he looked closer. Looked him in the face and saw only then the proof that the boy couldn’t actually feel as numb as he seemed, because of the micro expressions flitting along his cheeks and brow.

Because of the small smile tugging at his lips while he was watching someone next to him.

Matteo followed his doppelganger’s gaze.

That was all it took.

One look and all the air was punched out of him.

Like some physical force had crashed through his body and had dialed up all he could feel to max.

Yeah, there was no doubt about it.

This whole time travel shit was about this, about _him_.

Matteo had finally taken the first step towards meeting his soulmate.

And there he was, there _he was_.

 

* * *

 

Matteo looked it up the second he got home.

Yes, there had been others who had some form of time travel help them find their soulmates. Some people experienced a time loop, others swapped bodies with their future selves, some saw their soulmates’ pasts.

What Matteo had got going was called _location specific temporal displacement_.

Because once he had stepped out of the bus it had been March again and Matteo had been freezing. And though he had gotten out at the some stop as other Matteo and the boy with the liquid brown eyes (and the beanie and the cute smile and the apparent ability to bullshit his way out of anything and save Matteo’s ass), the second his foot had touched the concrete of the boardwalk, the other two boys had vanished.

So, it was bus specific. That bus was his own personal, fucked up DeLorean.

Which, sure. Why not. There were worse ways of finding out who your soulmate was. The problem was something different, though.  

The problem was what it meant.

Matteo had read the article but once you cut through all the bullshit and fancy, careful words having temporal displacement has your means of finding your soulmate, if the displacement happened more than once, meant you were _needy_. Unsure. Required extra convincing that you deserved someone and that that someone existed. Time had to literally bend itself over backwards to make you understand who it was and that they were real.

If Matteo hated one thing then it was feeling like he was _that_. This. All of these things.

His soulmate would probably hate him for it too.

Sooner or later.

He hoped it wouldn’t happen again.

 

* * *

 

But it did.

“It’s too fucking cold for May”, he heard someone complain not two seconds after he had gotten on the bus home after school.

This time he was high so he found some humor in the fact that this was the second time someone had conveniently announced the month during one of his time traveling escapades. It was two for two now.

Yesterday he had decided he didn’t want to deal with this shit and had hoped that the whole thing would display some chill and not make him look at other Matteo and his apparent bliss with beanie boy. He hated that other Matteo. Dude was an asshole; anyone could see that.

Matteo, in fact, could see it right now where he could clearly make out other Matteo and beanie boy sit next to each other three steps away from him.

There was something … tentative about them.

They were sitting shoulder to shoulder, arms brushing, not talking. It might have looked awkward and Matteo almost wanted it to.

But it wasn’t. Yes, the silence was charged with something, but it wasn’t anything bad. Other Matteo lowered his gaze a little and caught beanie boy’s. Beanie boy looked up under his lashes and smiled, before slowly taking other Matteo’s hand. Matteo wouldn’t have caught the movement if he hadn’t been looking so closely. Their hands were quickly hidden behind the folds of other Matteo’s brown jacket. Both boys quickly looked up to see if anyone was watching before they seemed to huddle even closer together. Matteo could see the small jerk their bodies made towards each other so that nothing could have fit between them.

He could see other Matteo inhale deeply, nose close to beanie boy’s beanieless head.

Matteo’s heart did something in his chest.

 

* * *

  
  
He didn’t go looking for beanie boy at school. It would have been the logical thing to do but if whatever decided the way you got shown your soulmate wanted him to be needy and whiny and unsure then that was the bullshit he was defiantly going to pull.

 _Sure, convince me_ , he thought vindictively. _If you can._

 

* * *

 

Next time it was June so now Matteo was pretty sure the whole thing had a chronological element to it as well.

The reason he knew that was because he had been looking at his phone when he got on the bus and the date had blurred for a bit and then changed the “03” to “06”.

His mom had texted him a bible quote. That was why he had been looking.

 _There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. We love because he first loved us_. **1 John 4: 18-19**

Matteo didn’t know what to do with that.

He was _always_ afraid when it came to love.

There was always a chance people wouldn’t love you once they really knew you. That had been true when it came to the relationship between his parents, at the very least. Once his mom’s MI had reared its head one time too often his dad had been gone as fast as humanly possible. His mom hadn’t mattered to him anymore and Matteo hadn’t either.

Who was to say the same thing wouldn’t happen again? But this time with his mother’s love for him? With Jonas’, Carlos’, and Abdi’s friendship with him?

What if no one would be left and there Matteo would be, openly gay, certainly, but at what price?

He was rather sure the boys wouldn’t abandon him. But wouldn’t it be different? Wouldn’t they stop and think twice before asking about what he got up to with a boyfriend the way they didn’t hesitate when it came to asking him about fucking girls? He didn’t want awkward silences and pauses. He didn’t want to be the one they shared looks about. Didn’t want to be _other_. All he wanted to do was to _belong_.

Clenching his fists around the straps of his backpack, he hesitated for a while. Procrastinated searching for them, looking at them.

But then a loud laugh hit him like a pummel over the head and he couldn’t help but jerk his entire body towards the sound.

This time it wasn’t just other Matteo and beanie boy.

There was also Jonas and Mia, an odd combination of people at any time. Had he ever seen them together without the others?

Matteo walked towards them.

Other Matteo’s face was on fire. Beanie boy didn’t seem to know whether to laugh or cry but his eyes were definitely shiny.

“Who would have thought? Every other time of the day you barely make a sound but—“, Jonas started, still laughing and extending one arm to grab him at the shoulder and shake other Matteo.

“Can we not talk about this?”, other Matteo mumbled, as if to prove Jonas’ point.

“You know what, I don’t think that’s possible at all”, Jonas mused, shaking his head mock apologetically, making Mia snort.

“Why did you have to say something?”, other Matteo asked her, hand tugging at his hair and making it stand up in all directions even more.

“I’m sorry, I just thought it was nice you were having fun. Obviously.” But she ducked her head in an attempt to hide the smile that was spreading across her face. She could obviously not be trusted, but Matteo had known _that_ much since basically forever.

“Help me, David”, other Matteo said flatly to _David_ (David, David, David) who just shrugged and jerked his head back in a way that showed clearly that he either didn’t know how to help or simply didn’t want to.

“I wasn’t that loud.”

David snorted. “Sure.”

Other Matteo shot him a dirty look while Jonas and Mia both laughed. “Traitor.”

David blew him a kiss. “I’ll make it up to you.”

“What if I don’t let you?”

David stepped a bit closer towards other Matteo and put a hand on his waist while looking into other Matteo’s eyes. He swallowed and parted his lips a little. Matteo could clearly see that he was staring at other Matteo’s lips before biting his own and drawing his gaze back up to other Matteo’s eyes.

Matteo decidedly felt like he was watching something he shouldn’t.

He could practically see other Matteo melt and heard him draw in a stuttery breath.

Which was when David’s lips parted further to make up one of the most radiant smiles Matteo had ever seen and no one could blame him if he took out a page of other Matteo’s book and released his own breath in shake stutters at the sight.

“I win”, he heard David say clearly.

Other Matteo rolled his eyes but smiled a small smile at his boyfriend. _Soulmate_.

In that moment Matteo could almost believe it.

“Okay, I take it back. It’s totally realistic. What was I even thinking?”, Jonas announced then shaking his head.

“He was _really_ loud”, Mia said, nodding wisely.

Matteo groaned again while David just looked smug.

He saw other Matteo clearly mouth “fuck you” into David’s direction.

David only answered by wiggling his eyebrows and letting his tongue peek out through parted lips a bit.

Matteo wildly thought that he shouldn’t have found that sexy.

It was consoling, though, that other Matteo looked ready to jump David then and there.

“I think I’ll turn on some loud music when we get home”, Mia said, biting her lip and grinning.

“Solid plan”, Jonas told her, shaking his head, still a little disbelievingly.

Matteo couldn’t blame him the same way he was hysterically sure that Mia’s plan would definitely be needed to be put into action.

 

* * *

 

The thing about soulmates was that Matteo had always wanted one.

But for a long time, he had wanted it to be Jonas. That would have meant changing his life only a little bit. There would be no other person. No coming out to his best friend and being afraid of everything changing for the worse. But Jonas had had Hanna in his heart for a long time and recently, he also had her feelings in his belly.

There was no reason for him to look at Matteo now, if there ever had been.

And while they still had stuff to work out, Matteo knew where it all was headed eventually.

Knowing that there was someone else out there for Matteo had been like seeing shadows on the wall. Vaguely threatening if you concentrated too hard on them. Easily forgotten if you didn’t look.

Now that shadow had a face and a laugh and a name.

Matteo couldn’t forget about it anymore.

But he still felt threatened.

 

* * *

 

It was July, according to his phone, and it was evening.

The bus was full of people in rainbow colors and Matteo had to rummage around his brain for a bit until he realized that it had to be Christopher Street Day and the march was probably over. He couldn’t help but feel jealous of all these people who had marched for their rights and were now just going home, looking exhausted but happy. He wished he could find the energy to be like that. The thought of being himself still made bugs crawl through his belly. He didn’t feel like he could ever be right or enough just the way he was.

Matteo looked around and, sure enough, he noticed one or two older people side-eying the colorful get ups, the feather boas, the high heels, the flags, and the paint. But, for once, the color was far more prevalent than the black and white, so they didn’t seem to dare say anything.

The idea of that, the idea of not being part of a minority, struck Matteo deeply enough to feel it in his bones. In this moment, in this bus, he and people like him, were not the ones that had to shut up and hide.

There was something powerful in that.

Matteo sucked in his lower lip and looked through the people, finally brave enough, to seek out himself and David.

It didn’t take him long.

In the back of the bus, pressed against the window and giggling, he saw himself, grinning broadly, arm slung over David’s shoulder. The other boy’s cheeks were red, red, red and his smile was as bright as ever, though Matteo couldn’t claim to have gotten used to the sheer radiance of it. Seeing it _did_ something to him, to his whole body.  

It wasn’t fair, anybody having that much power over him, just by being happy.

Matteo walked towards them, heart pounding and a – slightly reluctant but still there – smile tugging at his own lips. He couldn’t wrestle down his reaction anymore. Something about David just made something in Matteo want to smile at all hours.  

His breath hitched a bit, when he looked into David’s brown eyes. They looked almost wet but not from crying. This boy and this Matteo seemed to be high on something, but Matteo was willing to bet it didn’t have much of anything to do with weed.

They both were in short sleeves, which made sense with it being July. Glitter was stuck on their arms and other Matteo’s hair looked even worse than usual. He watched himself plant a kiss on David’s cheek and then on the other one too. Then back to the first one and on and on, peppering kisses on his face, until David was laughing hard and shoving him away.

It was still baffling to him. That … that could be him. Would be, if he let himself.

David was playfully wiping his cheek while scrunching his nose at other Matteo, who caught his hand, before he could do too much damage.

“Stop, you’re wiping away your flag.”

David relented, then, and interlaced his fingers with Matteo’s. “Yours got smudged a bit, too.”

Matteo focused his gaze on the paint they both had on their cheeks. He recognized the flag on other Matteo’s face, of course. Rainbow colors. For being gay. He had to swallow drily. Coming out was still such a faraway thing to him. Still impossible but maybe not as much as a few months ago. But this Matteo right here? He wore his colors proudly. Kissed his boyfriend proudly. These days Matteo equally longed for and feared all of these things.

Sooner or later, he would have to figure out which of these emotions was stronger.

Before Matteo exited the bus, he made a note to research the colors David had worn. He wasn’t sure if he had seen that flag before.

 

* * *

  

Blue, pink, white, pink, blue.

Matteo’s phone and laptop were both overflowing with open tabs after that.

It took him a week, maybe, to decide it didn’t change anything about the fact that David was his soulmate and that looking at him was a bit something like looking at the sun.

 

* * *

 

The day he stepped onto the bus and it was August, Matteo wasn’t really feeling this whole thing. He’d a had a bit of a reprieve from time traveling, but he wished it would have been longer.  

School had been awful, mostly because it was so mind-numbing and he needed it to be over. All he wanted to do was crawl into bed and be alone, but his flat mates had decided that today had to be game night and he wasn’t sure if he was going to be able to get out of playing table top games all night. He didn’t have enough brain function left to remember the rules for _Exploding Kittens_ or _Hanabi_ or anything like that.

But he had even less energy left to try and explain himself to them.

In the end, he was probably just going to play the part of a real asshole again to get out of it and give them something to complain about while they dealt the cards. It wasn’t ideal. But it was better than telling them the truth.

He sighed and looked around the bus only to realize the moment his eyes landed on the other Matteo, that his counterpart felt even worse than he did.

He was sitting next to David, on the window seat. It didn’t look to be a cold day, but he had his hood on and his hand were hidden in the sleeves of his sweater.

People often said that Matteo’s face wasn’t very expressive and they had that much right, Matteo knew now from experience. But it still took Matteo only the one glance to know what was going on.

His heart sank.

“Did you ask Mia about that record she wanted to give me? She keeps forgetting”, David asked other Matteo while looking at something on his phone.

“I don’t want to talk, Davi”, he heard the other Matteo mumble.

He closed his eyes, scrunched the lids together, really, as a shot of panic pinged through his brain with a sound as clear as bells. He knew himself well enough to be aware of the fact that he sometimes got into _these_ kinds of moods. But usually, he just suffered through them, didn’t verbally acknowledge them and sure as hell didn’t make them known to other people.

If others knew he got like this and how often it happened, they would sooner or later all realize that he was far more trouble than he was worth. He got lethargic, didn’t want to leave the bed if he didn’t have to. Eating became a chore and actual chores turned into something so impossible as not to be started at all.

Jonas, if he knew, which he didn’t really, would probably try to help once or twice before he realized that it was futile. Matteo was broken, a bit at least, and fixing him wasn’t something Matteo thought was possible. There was just something wrong with his body and the place where his mind lived. Sometimes it felt like it didn’t live there alone. Sometimes it felt like it was _too_ alone. It didn’t make any sense to him, so why should anyone else take the time to puzzle it out?

Why should _David_? Surely, he had better things to do. Surely, he would get annoyed. Or worse, would pester Matteo until he tried to put to words what he often couldn’t. His moods didn’t always come with an explanation. They just came and then they were and then they stayed. Until they left again. That was just how it was and Matteo didn’t want say out loud why the pattern of it all wasn’t only familiar because he was living it but also because he had seen it before.

He didn’t want to be … that. Like her.

Matteo shook his head to clear it a little, and with a sort of monotonous curiosity, decided to watch how it would play out.

“Okay. Just tell me when that changes.”

Matteo drew his eyebrows together. Surely that couldn’t be the end of it, could it?

And it wasn’t.

“Okay if I touch you?”, David added as he put his phone away into his pocket and Matteo could see the other Matteo nod.

David raised his arm and put it around Matteo’s shoulders, drawing him against himself. Other Matteo’s head landed on David’s chest.

David pressed a kiss into Matteo’s hair, not caring about the few people who were on the bus. Probably, because there was no one sitting near them anyway.

Maybe he would have done it either way, Matteo thought wondrously, while David pressed his cheek against other Matteo’s head and looked out of the window. Other Matteo had closed his eyes and put an arm around David’s hip.

Tears started to prick his eyes as he was watching them.

He hadn’t ever thought it would be like that. Had always thought that his … thing was going to be something his future partner would have to suffer through.

But David (he’d called him “Davi”, though, before) didn’t seem annoyed.

Had it really been so long since acceptance had last stared Matteo in the face that he almost didn’t recognize it when he saw it?

For the rest of the bus ride Matteo just stood there and looked at them.

It was then that he decided he wanted it.

Wanted David.

But he wasn’t sure if that was going to be enough.

 

* * *

 

It was obvious. The trust between them. And the shadow of David retreated and transformed into something else slowly. Reversed and turned itself inside out so that where there had been shadow there was now only light and felt like the kind of comfort touching warm wood on a sunny day gave you. It was satisfying the way watching dust bunnies dance in a ray of light made you think of Sundays and sleeping in.

Maybe that was what David was going to be for him.

But if that was true, what could he, Matteo, possibly be for David?

 

* * *

 

In September, it apparently was David’s turn to look upset on the bus.

Matteo hadn’t figured it out at first glance, though, and other Matteo also didn’t seem quite sure about what was going on if the sneaked glances towards David’s direction out of the corner of his eye were anything to go by.

David kept fidgeting, was the thing.

All the times Matteo had seen him before he hadn’t done that. David always seemed to be someone who didn’t have this wanting to shake out of your body feeling around him. He kept fairly still most of the time.

Not today, though.

The most obviously peculiar thing was what he was doing with his hands and arms.

When Matteo had first gotten onto the bus and taken his place in front of those two, David had gone to cross his arms in front of his chest, only to immediately uncross them again once they had actually connected with his upper body. Then he had put them on his thighs, palms down, and stared at his hands for a minute, before hastily burying them in the pockets of his jacket.

Other Matteo decided to investigate. “Everything good?”

David, who was staring out of the window, closed his eyes momentarily, before he shook his head.

Other Matteo frowned and reached out with a hand to softly touch David’s upper arm. David made a face and gently, but decisively, moved away from Matteo’s grasp. Judging by other Matteo’s facial expression, he wasn’t hurt by the action, just worried.

David sighed and held up the pointer finger of one hand as if to tell other Matteo to wait. He dug his phone out of his pocket, unlocked it, and started typing.

Matteo wished he could go look what he was writing, but there were too many people standing around the two. And while other people didn't seem to notice Matteo on these bus rides, he also couldn't just walk through them or make them move any way he wanted. The rules of this whole thing still eluded him. 

With things being how they were, he could only watch as the two of them exchanged a few messages. 

David's face stayed drawn. Tense. He clearly didn't feel good. 

Other Matteo seemed worried. 

 

Wanting to know what he was writing, he moved to stand next to other Matteo, who was sitting on the seat by the aisle, and who had already taken out his own phone. Apparently, David didn’t want to talk about whatever was going on out loud and was going to send Matteo a message.

Other Matteo’s phone lit up with a WhatsApp notification.

 **David** : Bad day today. Body wise.

Something cleared up on other Matteo’s face and he started typing back. They started writing back and forth.

 **Matteo** : Dysphoria?

 **David**. Yeah. It's just been bad since I got up, I don’t know. Sorry.

 **Matteo** : Don’t be sorry.

 **Matteo** : Should I just not touch you for a while?

 **David** : Please.

 **Matteo** : No problem. Just tell me when it’s okay to again.

 **David** : <3

 **Matteo** : <3

Other Matteo and David looked away from their phones and smiled small, tight smiles at each other.

“Thank you”, David said quietly, lowering his gaze while putting his phone away again.

Other Matteo shook his head and let out a small snort. “Don’t thank me, dude”, he whispered. “I don’t ever want to touch you if you don’t like it.”

There was something warm and soft in David’s eyes now and for once it was him who held his eyelids at half-mast. “Same.”

Matteo shrugged. “See? No big deal.” He crossed his ankles. “Did you get into that course you wanted? About auteur theory?”

At the sudden change of topic, David blew out air through his mouth and licked his lips.

“Yes. I’m really looking forward to it. If you look at the curriculum it says that we’ll watch a lot of Hitchcock and Tarantino.” David’s posture changed, got a bit straighter, and he turned his body away from the window and more towards other Matteo.

“Tarantino, I know. Isn’t Hitchcock that dude from Brooklyn Nine-Nine, though?”, other Matteo mused and moved his lips into a confused pout.

David rolled his eyes. “That’s a different Hitchcock. I mean Alfred Hitchcock.”

“Has he got something to do with birds? I’m thinking about birds for some reason.”

David nodded enthusiastically. “Yep. He directed a movie called “The Birds”. He really freaked out the actress who played the main character by throwing actual live birds at her. He was a really awful human being. Huge misogynist.”

Other Matteo quirked a brow. “And you’re exited to talk about that dude in class?”

Something gleamed in David’s eyes. “I’m excited to eviscerate the dude in class.”

Both Matteos snorted.

The conversation went on and Matteo wondered if the other Matteo had any more of a clue about what the hell auteur theory was supposed to be. The way he contributed to the conversation actually made it seem like he might, which was an altogether baffling concept to Matteo. When had he ever been interested in films? Yeah, he watched them, but he rarely ever talked about anything other than the plot.

But if it was something that was important to David? Matteo had seen worse incentives to broaden one’s horizons.

He frowned, thinking.

There hadn’t been anything magical about their interaction.

David still leaned away from other Matteo, as not to touch him too much, and other Matteo made no further moves to reach out. But there was nothing uncomfortable about it. They were just talking. Being next to each other. Existing in the same little bubble that was made out of understanding each other. If Matteo was sure about one thing, it was that those two boys really, fundamentally, deeply got each other.

He hadn’t ever had anything like that before. It seemed easy, almost.

Maybe if you really liked someone, some things just clicked into place.

Or maybe the two of them were just special.

In any case, Matteo didn’t have any doubts about David being his soulmate anymore and also not about him being David’s.

They just … fit.

 

* * *

 

It still left Matteo reeling. The idea of it. The knowledge of it.

That the universe had actually done its job and found Matteo a person who would be there for him, no matter what. Who would have his back and support him and _like_ him through it all. Someone that could make everything bad seem like it wasn’t a big deal.

And what was even more astonishing was that Matteo was going to do the same for David right back.

 

* * *

 

When Matteo stepped onto the bus and it was suddenly October it was also, suddenly, night.

Matteo shot a look at the bus’s digital clock and knew it had to be last bus of the day.

Nobody was there except the bus driver who kept looking in the rear-view mirror, before grinning and looking back at the road again.

Nobody was here except Matteo, the bus driver, and _them_.

 _Oh_.

Matteo felt his eyes widen and couldn’t help but suck a shocked gulp of air into his lungs.

There, in the back of the bus again, David and other Matteo were … 

Kissing.

Entranced, Matteo wet his own lips.

Other Matteo’s hand lay on David’s cheek which was red and ... beautiful.

David had one hand buried in other Matteo’s hair. The other one had to be tucked somewhere under Matteo’s jacket, hell, maybe even under his shirt. In any case, Matteo couldn’t see it.

He didn’t feel like he was allowed to witness this, but his feet clearly didn’t care about nonsensical thoughts like that because they somehow carried him closer and closer until he stopped a few seats away from them.

He could see it all.

Their lips kept meeting, melting against each other. Matteo had never seen anything look so … _soft_. The way their mouths just molded together like that was where they belonged, how both their lips were red already like they had been kissing forever but didn’t intend to stop any time soon.

Heat shot through his belly when he saw a peek of tongues sliding against each other before retreating again. David sighed and turned the hand in other Matteo’s hair into a fist, making other Matteo grin for a split second before gently swiping his thumb over David’s cheek in a caress.

They parted but left their eyes closed, breathing into each other’s open mouths. David licked his lips, other Matteo’s lips quirked. David nudged his nose against his boyfriend’s and he nudged right back before smearing his lips against David’s cheek.

Their mouths connected again, slower, even softer. Lingering.

Matteo felt wetness slide down his face from his eye.

 

* * *

 

Later, in bed, Matteo hugged his spare pillow, dug his fingers into it and closed his eyes.

Behind his eyelids, he could still see it. Them.

He couldn’t wait until he was allowed to feel it.

Matteo couldn’t even imagine what it was going to be like.

All he knew was that he was sure it would be better than all the kisses he had ever been part of.

There was no way any of them could measure up.

For the first time, the thought of kissing someone he was actually allowed to kiss filled him not with dread, but with _longing_.

 

* * *

 

In November someone called Laura was coming over.

“Laura is coming over”, David said.

“I know”, other Matteo said, wiping the back of his hand over his nose and staring at his phone intently.

“Today.”

“I know”, Matteo repeated. “Why are you telling me this, _I_ asked her. Me. I.”

“We wanted to cook. Do we have stuff?”

That was when other Matteo tore his gaze away from his phone for the first time and took a look at David who was biting his lip.

To Matteo he looked perfectly innocent but other Matteo’s eyes basically turned into slits.

“You’re not getting out of helping me cook by trading doing the shopping for it.”

David pulled a face, somehow still managing to look attractive (something that made Matteo equally parts angry and lovestruck) and whined. “But—”

“Nope. I already did the shopping. I knew you were going to pull something like this.”

“I’m shit at cooking.”

“I know.”

“I’m so shit at cooking I unquestioningly ate that grilled cheese sandwich with whipped cream you gave me once.”

“It was probably because you were hungry and unable to feed yourself.”

“See? You can’t trust my palate. I don’t have taste buds that work.”

“They work just fine.”

“But—”

Other Matteo rolled his eyes hard, like really hard, and groaned. “You know what. Just … hand me things and look manly, okay? That’s all you have to do today.”

David’s typical 100 watt smile appeared on his face in the speed of light.

“And you have to set the table”, other Matteo added, as if rightfully feeling like the pushover he clearly was.

“Yes.”

“And open the door the next time we get delivery.”

“Done.”

“And you have to give me a really long kiss when we get home.”

“I would have given you one anyway.”

“With tongue.”

“Sure.”

Other Matteo sighed. “Okay.”

“I really love you.”

Other Matteo snorted. “Yeah, love you too.”

They just kept grinning at each other, while Matteo stood there.

Poleaxed.

They had just … fought over cooking and then … Said I love you, like it was nothing.

No, not like it was nothing, but like … they were used to hearing it and weren’t afraid at all about whether the other person would reciprocate the feeling.

He’d, weirdly, abstractly, never thought he would get that far with anyone. Jonas had always been a doomed pursuit from the start that he had always known would lead nowhere. And his mom was sometimes so out of it that she didn’t say it back when he told her. So, he had stopped telling her and was now only answering whenever she said it first.

This Matteo also had said it as an answer. But he hadn’t looked like he couldn’t believe his luck or like he wasn’t sure how many more times he would hear David say it before he’d stop.

This Matteo just seemed … sure.

Again, it left Matteo reeling, the knowledge that that would be his future if he let it and if he tried. That he could have this kind of surety in this life seemed … Fuck.

Being _loved_. What a marvelous thing to be sure about.

 

* * *

 

That night he couldn’t sleep, as was often the case.

But he didn’t really mind.

It was love keeping him up, not fear.

 

* * *

 

He would have known it was December even if he hadn’t looked at his phone to make sure. The five dozen obnoxiously blinking Christmas trees he could see in the first minute standing on the bus alone were a dead giveaway. So was the Christmas music someone was listening to very loudly on their headphones. They might as well have not worn them.

Matteo wasn’t really a christmassy person. He didn’t hate to holiday, but he did hate _Last Christmas_. Which was incidentally what the dude with the useless headphones was listening to.

It was just that Christmas had always been overtaken by religion at his home. Which sounded sort of stupid, since it was a religious holiday, but he had always wished for the more laidback Christmas celebrations his friends got to have. He wished his mom would concentrate more on the being together part instead of the bible part. It was worse when she was depressed, because that’s when she sought solace in religion even more.

Matteo wanted to see his mom this coming Christmas. He just didn’t know if it was going to be possible. Because he knew, if there was any chance of it, he would want to spend it with David. But he had now idea how his mom was going to react to that. If she would let him bring his boy along. If she would welcome him or not or if she would even want to ever see Matteo again once she knew.

Gloomily, Matteo held onto the pole nearest to where other Matteo and David where standing. They, too, were talking about Christmas, as if there was not other possible topic in December.

“I only need something for Hans. I’ve got the rest”, other Matteo said.

“Impressive. And with one day left to spare, too.” David grinned.

“I know you’re fucking with me, but this is the first time I’ve managed to get everything this early, so thank you for the compliment.” Other Matteo stuck out his tongue. “I have no clue in hell what to get him, though. Everything I come up with is dirty and I’m horrified by that.”

David snorted. “You could get him spices or something. For cooking. He likes that.”

“You’re perfect. I mean that.” Other Matteo looked a lot more relieved that Matteo thought was necessary, but whatever. He had also spoken the truth. As far as he could tell, David was perfect. Or as near as could be.

“I know. But thanks.”

They both looked out of the window a bit and he could see other Matteo scrunch up his face in disgust when he saw a Christmas tree decorated with violet twinkling lights. Same, really.

“Are you sure I don’t have to get your mom anything?”

Matteo froze.

“Yeah, I’m sure. We agreed no presents. Which means we will give her nothing, but she will get us something anyway. Then we’ll feel guilty and do the same thing all over again next year. It’s fine. She loves you. She keeps saying all I need to bring is you, you know?”

There was something complicated on David’s face that Matteo had no hope to decipher then and there. But other Matteo seemed to understand, because he brushed his hand against David in what seemed to be a reassuring gesture.

“I’m just not used to that, I guess.”

“You will be”, other Matteo reassured him. “Just be ready to sing a lot of Christmas carols while you’re doing that.”

Matteo closed his eyes and let out a deep, heartfelt sigh.

He had never thought that he was seeing just random glimpses of his future. But this time really drove it home.

Okay, then.

Time to start being brave.

 

* * *

 

It was that evening that Matteo finally sent a text he had been meaning to send for a long time in one form or another. But now the idea didn’t fill him with immeasurable fear anymore. He knew the good that would come from this would outweigh any possible bad. It just had to. He just had to believe that.  

_Mama, I found my soulmate. His name is David._

* * *

 

The thing was, Matteo was already feeling like he was getting an unfair advantage over, well, basically everyone. He had already seen and experienced so much. He was glad for it, though. He had needed to see all of these things. To feel right. To feel sure.

Right now, though, he was basically getting spoilers and while some part of him felt glee over that, some other part was also groaning because he knew he needed to keep everything he was hearing during the current conversation between other Matteo and David to himself.

January, apparently, was all about talking through how all of his friends were going to find their soulmates.

“Yeah, okay. So, Jonas always feels Hanna’s emotions. That has to be really weird. How does he know if what he is feeling are his emotions or not?”, David was asking, interested.

Other Matteo shrugged. “He says it isn’t that hard. Her emotions feel really different from his, apparently. He was just really shocked when he started feeling them because they had been broken up for a long time already and he was totally fucked up on weed all the time. He thought he was hallucinating or some shit at first.” He snorted.

Matteo slightly shook his head, thinking back on it. It hadn’t been that long since Jonas had found out about his connection with Hanna. Matteo hadn’t really known how to handle the whole thing. Back then, he had still been hung up on Jonas. Shit, it was only since these bus rides through time had started that he had noticed the crush on his best friend slowly fading away. It was a lot easier now, listening to Jonas talk about Hanna. Didn’t hurt so much anymore. Though he really hoped he hadn’t destroyed everything between those two for good. Breaking up two people was already shitty enough, but if they were soulmates the assholery of doing that was on a whole other level.

“Do you know what it’s like for Hanna?”, David asked.

“Everything he draws on his skin appears on her skin, too. She found out when some random phone number turned up on her arm. One of Jonas’ conquests.”

David physically facepalmed. “Shit.”

“Mhm.”

David was still pulling a face even as he continued talking. “It’s a wonder they got back together. Or maybe it isn’t. I don’t know how to feel about them. They’re really great together but for a while there they didn’t seem to fit? From what you’ve told me?”

A thrill shot through Matteo’s body and he couldn’t help the happy grin that turned up on his face. They really would get back together? Fucking hell that was a huge weight off his chest, holy shit. Maybe he wasn’t the biggest asshole in the world, then. Lucky.

“I don’t know, I mean, people always say that soulmate signs always turn up once the time is right. Maybe they just weren’t ready before.” Other Matteo shrugged again.

“You really have that much faith in the universe?”, David asked, cocking his head, smirking slightly.

Somehow, other Matteo managed to call David an idiot with just a small movement of his facial features and head. “Dude, yes. It gave me you. The universe has all the rights and all the wisdom, as far as I’m concerned.”

Blood slowly colored the skin of David’s cheeks a blushy red and his smirk turned into something softer. “True.”

“Aw”, Matteo said and poked his pointer finger gently into David’s cheek.

“Fuck you”, David shot back, laughing.

“You’re so cute”, other Matteo retorted in a droll voice Matteo was sure he had never heard come out of his own mouth before.

“Oh, yeah?” David shot back, as if it was a hardcore retort worthy of any gang member.

“Yeah. The cutest. What are you gonna do now?”, other Matteo answered, playfully widening his eyes.

“I still think our way was the best.”

Matteo blinked at the non-sequitur, but other Matteo simply let his eyelids sink back down to their usual place and didn’t seem fazed at all.

“Our way of what?”, he only asked, swaying slightly because the bus driver was exhibiting a fairly dangerous driving style that meant breaking and basically flooring the gas pedal alternately. Matteo was pretty sure other Matteo and David had to regret not having sat down.

“Finding out who our soulmate is. Your whole bus thing is still blowing my mind.”

It was then that, for a second, other Matteo’s eyes flicked to the right and connected straight with Matteo’s.

He froze immediately. Stared. No, other him couldn’t see him, could he? Had he always been able to see him? Why the fuck hadn’t he said anything then?

Other Matteo grinned, twitched his brows, and looked back at David. “Yeah. Totally fucked me over too. In a good way.”

Shit. Had other Matteo known he was standing there, because … he’d lived through it, too? Because he remembered yet _another_ Matteo grinning and looking at him as well?

Holy shit, fuck. This whole thing was really getting to be too ... meta or something. That probably wasn’t the right word but Matteo had no idea what to call it. Weird didn’t cut it anymore.

“It’s because I’m needy and clingy, though”, other Matteo added, nodding sagely. It sounded like an old argument between them, especially when taking into account how David reacted to other Matteo’s words.  

He shook his head, face scrunched up as if to say Matteo was talking out of his ass. “So? I like that you’re clingy. I love that you need me. Stop making it sound like it’s something bad.”

Other Matteo simply ducked his head, but Matteo could see the dopey smile he was trying to hide. Could see the red in his cheeks and felt like he could see the love in his heart, as well.

Shit, that Matteo was so in love.

“I like your way, too. That you were drawing me half the time even though you’d never seen me before. And sometimes even if you wanted to draw something else.” Other Matteo looked up through his lashes.

“Foreshadowing to how I can never get you out of my head.”

They looked at each other and it seemed like they wanted to do nothing more than kiss each other, but didn’t dare do it on a bus full of people.

Matteo was pretty sure they both were aware that they wanted to, though.

His own heart felt pretty full, just watching them.

He hadn’t known David could draw. In retrospect, he should have, though. At this point he was sure that if it was anything artistic then David was able to do it. And he was sure his drawings were amazing.

He couldn’t wait to see them.

 

* * *

 

It took his mother a bit, but in the end, she called him her sunshine and that she was always going to love him endlessly, no matter what.

_Why don’t you bring David, next time you visit?_

He told her he would. Once he could.

 

* * *

 

Through the windows of the bus Matteo could see that February was being its typically awful self with gloomy weather and grey skies. Berlin looked listless and washed out. Cold.

The people on the bus basically looked the same, all grumpy they had to be out during, in Matteo’s opinion, one of the most useless months of the year.

While thinking he was glad that actual February was already behind him, Matteo performed his usual routine of looking for his counterpart and David.

The right corner of his mouth tugged up once he saw them.

They sat together again, as they so often did.

But they also seemed to have decided that February was good for nothing and should best not be experienced.

They were asleep.

Both had their arms crossed on their chests, heads tilted together and leaning against each other. Sharing headphones that were plugged into a phone that was tucked into one of David’s hands. Other Matteo was slouching low in his seat, legs spread wide, right one tangled with David’s left one.

Matteo couldn’t quite describe what it was. The way they just seemed to fit together like they were right where they belonged or maybe how they had managed to shut the world out and make their own little space on a public bus. No matter what it was, Matteo knew one thing.

Those two belonged together.

Nothing had ever felt as obvious to him as that.

 

* * *

 

That evening he told the boys. First Jonas in the kitchen and then, with his best friend grinning at him, Carlos and Abdi.

He told them he had found his soulmate. That his name was David and that he hadn’t met him in person yet, hadn’t talked to him yet, but that he knew and that he was happy it was him.

They blinked wide eyes at him before they smiled and congratulated him and wanted to know more, almost falling over themselves like puppies with too big paws.

Telling him they couldn’t wait to meet David.

Matteo couldn’t either.

 

* * *

 

Matteo knew it was over when he stepped onto the bus and it was still March.

A small girl almost bowled him over when she squeezed past him and whacked her huge backpack against his side. An old man mumbled something about kids these days and tried to share a look with Matteo.

It all left him a bit non-plussed, the way you felt when some great task you had to accomplish was finally over and you didn’t know what to do with yourself now that it was.

But then Matteo straightened his back. Widened his eyes a bit.

Because that was bullshit. The task wasn’t over. The task lay in front of him. It _all_ lay in front of him. His future. Every little bit of it.

For once, Matteo didn’t think that was scary. Not _only_ , at least. Oh, he was scared of fucking up, because he would, inevitably.

But there was so much to look forward to now.

In the end, it had turned out that he really had needed the time. The convincing. And maybe he was needy and whiny and all of those things he had read in that article on the internet, but David didn’t seem to mind that so much, if the twelve glimpses into the future had proven anything to Matteo.

He had a feeling that David understood him on a level he had never experienced. And that was how it should be, right? If Matteo was going to spend his whole life with David – and right now he definitely intended to – it was going to take all of that plus a lot of work.

He was glad to put it in, though, the work. From what he had seen it was all going to be worth it. And he was so, so ready to start.

The bus stopped abruptly and Matteo had to throw out his arm to hold onto one of the poles in order not to fall down.

He looked towards the bus driver to see what had made them stop so suddenly. But once his head was turned his mind could only concentrate on one thing.

There was movement and a dark figure in sweat pants, a black jacket, and a blue beanie was stepping of the bus.

Matteo could feel his mouth fall open a little.

He knew that figure. Knew that beanie, knew that hair.

It was David. _His_ David.

And there was no other Matteo in sight and he didn’t disappear once he had exited the vehicle.

Matteo felt himself starting to shake, some sort of giddy buzz having taken control of his shoulders and limbs.

He stared and David seemed to feel Matteo’s eyes on him through the glass, because he stopped in his tracks and looked straight at Matteo.

And either Matteo was imagining things or he saw those beautiful eyes widen.

But David already knew the way he looked, didn’t he?

He had been drawing him for months already. They both knew they were standing at a crossroads right now.

For a second, they just looked at each other.

Matteo could see it all unfold. Could see the bus doors closing and the bus driving away. The connection between their gazes finally snapping because of the distance that was going to be put between them.

Maybe, if he was lucky, he would run into David at school or on this bus again. If he was willing to leave it up to chance.

Well. Fuck. That.

Matteo was ready to start this, to finally have this boy be part of his life and never let him go again.

His body sprung into action and he shoved an arm between the bus doors to halt them from closing at the last moment. The second it was possible, he squeezed himself through the doors and stepped off. He didn’t know what stop it was exactly. He also didn’t care.

While the bus’s engine revved and it noisily drove away, he stood there, the distance between him and David finally so small. Finally, this was a David that could see him and that he could talk to.

Touch, even, if he was brave enough.

He swallowed audibly and took a deep breath.

“Na?”, Matteo finally mumbled, not sure what else to say.

But it seemed to be the right thing anyway.

“Na?”, David replied without hesitation.

He smiled.

And, at last, Matteo could feel something in him give, and loosen, and exhale.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, yeah. I wrote another soulmate AU. Idk. I needed this okay? 
> 
> You wanna talk to me on tumblr look for @b-icetea.


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